Appreciate what you have

By Tracey Lavernick 

A few weeks ago, I posted on my Facebook page:

“Appreciate what you have. This is going to be the topic of my next blog. Today Mark went to pick up a couple of groceries with his beautiful support worker. They came home with these beautiful roses. Darcie assures me that it was all Mark’s doing. Mark was the second most romantic man in the world. His dad was the most. I have, and am, one of the most spoilt ladies. #roses #myhusbandisawesome #strokesux”

I miss my old Mark.

On Valentine’s Day, and before stroke I would have been thoroughly spoilt by my husband. But, having him next to me is the best present I could have, so I asked Mark’s support worker to stop him from buying me roses for Valentine’s day, they are too expensive.

I thought about appreciating what really matters.

There are times I look at other couples as they bicker or argue over something small.

I want to scream out “Please don’t sweat the small stuff, appreciate what you have.” You never know when things will change – it can happen in an instant.”

I see people fight over money; it really hits me in the guts. I understand money matters, but seriously, the fresh perspective that you get after nearly losing someone you love. I want to shout, enjoy your person!

Romance or showing love aren’t about flowers or little gifts. As an example, my parents have a very special love for each other. They’ve genuinely enjoyed Covid lockdown and have appreciated just being in the same space full time.

My Dad isn’t ‘a flower‘ sort of a man. I can only recall him getting Mum flowers once. I was still at school, and Dad came home with a half dead rose he found on the footpath. He gave it to Mum and said sorry, it was a little dead, but he had to put it on Lay-by so he could afford it!

They thought they were hilarious. As a teenager, I thought they were weird – couple jokes.

As for Mark and I, we had 13 years together before his stroke - the big one.

In our pre-stroke life, he would bring me home something at least once a week. Flowers, music, wine or jewellery - he was a very generous partner. He was always thinking about me and loved to express his love that way.

When we had to tighten our belts, he’d still buy me a Chupa Chup lolly. He’d search for my favourite, the orange ones, even if he had to burrow to the bottom of the tub to get it. My daughter Samantha would have to wait for him.

Mark still expresses his love through his eyes, and a gentle touch. He still loves to express himself with roses, with the help of his carer. I really appreciate it, and I know that it frustrates him that he needs help to express how he feels. I miss my partner in crime.

Stroke took a lot from each of us, Mark especially. Stroke is a cruel beast and I bloody hate it.

Tracey

I will be writing blogs from the partner and family’s perspective during 2021 for the Stroke Foundation. It’ll be warts and all.

Stay tuned for the next blog about disability accommodation – oh, how that can suck the joy out of travelling.