Beth all wired up putting the beat to the test

Beth shares the low down on undignified and uncomfortable stroke treatments

Stroke follow up required me to wear a portable ECG machine for a week, it's been a tough gig. Itchy, bulky, lumpy and downright uncomfortable, but today is day seven so adios señor, you’re out the door!!!

Got five sticky bits on my chest
All wired up, putting "the beat" to the test

Set it and forget it they say
Don't get it wet, oh yes, only shower every second day!
Then they send you on your way!

Well the sticky bits begin to itch, and the wires are tangled
And the silly box monitor won't sit, just wants to dangle!

Good job I'm not flying
Security would think I am wired up for dying

Bedtime arrives, can't get comfy
Bloody thing is hard and lumpy

Wires twist and pop off their studs
Tossed and turned all bloody night

Have developed a rash, 
Glue reaction, look a right messy sight!

Shower day, praise be
Temporarily get this thing off me!

Try to peel stickers times five from the chest
The glue has stuck hard, try my best

Get the f#$%ers off at last, have five red spots
Surrounded by gooey glue that once held the dots

Scrubbed and scraped til I near bled 
Out of the shower, thoroughly dry, instructions read

Put two sticky dots under the left tit
And two more under the right, ladies can wear your brassiere
The last sticky dot in the middle of your decoupage 

Now connect the wires to the dots
Red and orange to the left
Brown and green to the right
And up the middle, yes that must be the White!

Was looking in the mirror - got it all arse about!
Off popped the dots, reconnect, wired up, no doubt…

And so it continued, seven long days and sleepless nights
My poor chest looks like a paintball battle site!
Sticky rings and red blotchy things

Hope the machine only tracked my heart
And didn't record the cussing and the farts!

B x