Improving self confidence
January 21, 2014
A brain injury after stroke has a massive impact on how we feel about ourselves — unfortunately it is often not for the better. It can directly lead to depression and fatigue which can have a major impact on self-esteem.
A group of people who had acquired a brain injury once met to discuss and find strategies for issues such as self-confidence. They felt the key components to confidence were having a purpose to life, feeling loved, doing well in their chosen roles, having hope for the future, and being content with who they were. A brain injury was seen as impacting on every issue discussed, with the result that self-confidence was always a problem following a brain injury.
Key factors in self-confidence
The group found that the degree of understanding shown by people close to them, and the reaction of the general public, made a big difference to how they felt about themselves. Families who understood the effects of the brain injury, and were supportive instead of critical, played a major part in the brain injury survivor feeling more confident. This issue was a difficult one when there were no outward visible signs of a brain injury, such as a wheelchair or facial scarring. In these cases, families were more likely to be critical of the person’s cognitive problems.
Those who constantly compared their current situation and abilities with their situation before the acquired brain injury had more trouble with self-confidence, as did those who could not cope with negative comments from others.
Assertion
Assertion was seen as critical in becoming more confident. Many felt that they tended to be resentful and sullen, or became abusive and aggressive in conflict situations. The passive approach was seen as letting others “stand on” them and push them around. It also involves agreeing with others despite personal feelings. This often led to resentment and levels of distress building up over time.
The aggressive approach was viewed as people “getting their own way” by arguing, making demands, threatening and generally stepping on others. Although people who use this approach may get their own way a lot of the time, others often did not want to be around them so isolation would occur.
They discussed how the ideal is two-way communication, in which problems are solved and the message is put across in a way that allows people to feel good about themselves. Survivors knew that they needed to work on communication skills so that they could see the other person’s viewpoint and know how to approach topics appropriately.
The group agreed that body language was an important part of being assertive, including maintaining eye contact, straight body posture and calm speech. Sometimes it helped to practise what they had to say to someone by practising with another person first.
Personal strategies for self-confidence Brain injury survivors have suggested the following personal strategies for feeling better about themselves:
• Hang around positive people
• Become more self-aware and get rid of negative, unhealthy, unproductive thoughts
• Take up enjoyable hobbies
• Set realistic goals, recognise small gains and achievements and reward yourself
• Use problem-solving skills for the bad times
• Help someone else
• Practise relaxation
• Write a poem or essay that has personal meaning
• Work on meeting new people and improving existing relationships
• Make a plan for keeping in contact with others — do something social every week
• Be assertive and communicate your needs to others — not aggressively or passively
• Persist despite setbacks
• Join a support group for survivors
• Maintain good health by eating well, exercising and getting sufficient sleep
• Use humour and see the funny side
• Accept personal limitations while aiming towards self-improvement
• Get into positive books and movies
• Grasp opportunities, experience life and make the most of it!
Mantras
Some people found mantras useful. These are personal statements or affirmations that can help you get through a tough time. Some examples are:
• “If I change my thoughts I change my world”
• “If it is to be, it’s up to me”
• “Always stop and think before I act”
• “Learning is an active process and I will learn by doing”
• “Actions speak louder than words”.
Many people take comfort in the centuries- old prayer — grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Article originally printed in Synapse Bridge Magazine Volume 12
A group of people who had acquired a brain injury once met to discuss and find strategies for issues such as self-confidence. They felt the key components to confidence were having a purpose to life, feeling loved, doing well in their chosen roles, having hope for the future, and being content with who they were. A brain injury was seen as impacting on every issue discussed, with the result that self-confidence was always a problem following a brain injury.
Key factors in self-confidence
The group found that the degree of understanding shown by people close to them, and the reaction of the general public, made a big difference to how they felt about themselves. Families who understood the effects of the brain injury, and were supportive instead of critical, played a major part in the brain injury survivor feeling more confident. This issue was a difficult one when there were no outward visible signs of a brain injury, such as a wheelchair or facial scarring. In these cases, families were more likely to be critical of the person’s cognitive problems.
Those who constantly compared their current situation and abilities with their situation before the acquired brain injury had more trouble with self-confidence, as did those who could not cope with negative comments from others.
Assertion
Assertion was seen as critical in becoming more confident. Many felt that they tended to be resentful and sullen, or became abusive and aggressive in conflict situations. The passive approach was seen as letting others “stand on” them and push them around. It also involves agreeing with others despite personal feelings. This often led to resentment and levels of distress building up over time.
The aggressive approach was viewed as people “getting their own way” by arguing, making demands, threatening and generally stepping on others. Although people who use this approach may get their own way a lot of the time, others often did not want to be around them so isolation would occur.
They discussed how the ideal is two-way communication, in which problems are solved and the message is put across in a way that allows people to feel good about themselves. Survivors knew that they needed to work on communication skills so that they could see the other person’s viewpoint and know how to approach topics appropriately.
The group agreed that body language was an important part of being assertive, including maintaining eye contact, straight body posture and calm speech. Sometimes it helped to practise what they had to say to someone by practising with another person first.
Personal strategies for self-confidence Brain injury survivors have suggested the following personal strategies for feeling better about themselves:
• Hang around positive people
• Become more self-aware and get rid of negative, unhealthy, unproductive thoughts
• Take up enjoyable hobbies
• Set realistic goals, recognise small gains and achievements and reward yourself
• Use problem-solving skills for the bad times
• Help someone else
• Practise relaxation
• Write a poem or essay that has personal meaning
• Work on meeting new people and improving existing relationships
• Make a plan for keeping in contact with others — do something social every week
• Be assertive and communicate your needs to others — not aggressively or passively
• Persist despite setbacks
• Join a support group for survivors
• Maintain good health by eating well, exercising and getting sufficient sleep
• Use humour and see the funny side
• Accept personal limitations while aiming towards self-improvement
• Get into positive books and movies
• Grasp opportunities, experience life and make the most of it!
Mantras
Some people found mantras useful. These are personal statements or affirmations that can help you get through a tough time. Some examples are:
• “If I change my thoughts I change my world”
• “If it is to be, it’s up to me”
• “Always stop and think before I act”
• “Learning is an active process and I will learn by doing”
• “Actions speak louder than words”.
Many people take comfort in the centuries- old prayer — grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Article originally printed in Synapse Bridge Magazine Volume 12