The way we love

By Tracey Laverick 

I first laid eyes on Mark in July 1997. We were at a mutual friend's house for a fifth birthday party. I felt a real connection with Mark, but I was married at the time.  

Surprisingly, to me, my marriage ended only a few months later.  

When Mark’s and my paths crossed again, we didn’t speak, but I was drawn to him, I have to admit I did check him out! 

Luckily, Mark had asked our mutual friends for my number.  

Shortly after, we had our first date, and within 12 months we were married. It was one of those meant to be together moments. We’ve been married for 22 years, and I have loved him fiercely each and every day.  

In the pre-stroke days, my heart would skip a beat when I saw his car in the driveway when I came home. Now my hearts skip a beat when I open the door. The love is the same, even though our lives are so different.  

I recognise that when a stroke happens in a marriage or partnership, the roles may change in the relationship as well. I want to share what I have learned. 

- When love is right, keeping the relationship moving forward is harder, but not too hard. 

- Agree to disagree - you’ll grow and maybe start to see that there are more opinions in the world. 

- Love passionately and often. Disability doesn’t have to get in the way, you can adjust.  

- Life throws you curve balls, so make sure your are each other's first pick for your team. 

- Be with a person who never counts how many pairs of shoes you own.  

- Learn to enjoy each other’s interests. You don’t have to love football to appreciate that they do. God knows I have no love of the game, but I love that Mark gets so much pleasure from it.  

- Embrace each other’s friends and family. Hopefully you’ll find that when you do, you’ll love them too! 

- When you feel pissed off “It’s just a thought and it’s your thought - only you can change it”. Mark tells me this when I get annoyed. I remember telling him where to park ‘that’ when he first said it. But I have come around, and it’s a handy mindset to have.   

- Live for the now (realistically). 

- Don’t always wait for tomorrow.  

We have been so fortunate to have love - real love.  

Mark has taught me how to be a mother, something I’ll always be grateful for. I’ve been asked many times over the last ten years why I do what I do, as many relationships break up after stroke.   

The answer is simple - I love Mark.   

I’m not saying that becoming more of a carer than a wife is easy, and I certainly have my days. But we have financial support through the NDIS, and without that I don’t think we would have coped.  

It’s been a decade since Mark’s stroke, and there have been more strokes in that time. I hope that we have another thirty years together, that’s our aim, we take one day at a time. 

I will continue to fight for Mark’s rights with the NDIS, and make sure the world is as accessible as it can be for him. At times it can sap everything out of me, but at the end of the day I CAN fight so I DO.