Stay with me
By Linda
This July, I am running the Gold Coast half marathon with my daughter Tayah. We are running in memory for my son Christian, and for me, in recognition of my survival of stroke.
My family has known loss, too much really, but we are strong, loving and always there for each other. I dedicate my journey and the wisdom gained to all my children; Christian (died 18 years), Tayah 22-years, and Hunter 13-years.
I had my first stroke 30 years ago, as a twenty-year-old. Doctors told me I most likely had the onset of MS or postural migraine; paperwork suggested a possible TIA, but I was sent home without further follow up.
Thirty years later a big one came out of the blue.
A week before my stroke (aged 49) I had sudden onset of vomiting and dizziness while out for breakfast. I thought I just had a migraine coming on so did not follow it up.
The stroke occurred while I was sleeping. When I woke up, I didn’t notice that anything had changed. I was getting ready to go for a run and went to get Hunter up for school, but I couldn’t speak. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get any words out.
By the time I got to hospital, no clot busting medication could be given because of the window of treatment and we couldn’t be sure when the stroke started.
In fact, I was so okay physically, hospital staff did not believe I had had a stroke. I had a CT scan, but no problems were obvious. It was not until I had a telehealth consult with my neurologist that a stroke was suspected because of my aphasia.
An MRI was performed and showed two areas of brain tissue death - 30 years apart.
I was pleased that something was found, especially the old stroke impact, because being told that you had an unexplained ‘turn’ was disconcerting. I knew even then that there was something more to it.
Further tests showed that I had a hole in my heart, and I have an over production of blood clots, most were filtered by my lungs, but at least two weren’t and resulted in my strokes.
If only my PFO had been fixed 30 years ago.
I lost my job, my mood was affected, I had debilitating fatigue, I found communication challenging, my memory was shot, I didn’t know my left and right, and I was overwhelmed.
My children had a new mother, I was a changed person, it was unexpected, and they didn’t ask for this.
The dam burst for me emotionally too, all the grief that I had held inside after losing Christian came out, mixed in with frustration and fear.
Tayah and Hunter were amazing throughout this time. The level of maturity, grace, patience and kindness they showed made me so proud – and thankful.
Now two years later, things have settled. We have all found a new normal, and I have accepted what has changed. I have made a lot of gains, after intense rehabilitation both at hospital and at home I am overcoming and managing my fatigue better. My typing skills and spelling are improving but not the same as it was pre-stroke.
My reading skill and writing skills have significantly improved over time, so I can read novels now. In the beginning I found it difficult to read ‘The hen sat on the nest protecting the eggs’, I really hated that sentence, and I cried and cried.
And, I can finally say left and right when I am not under stress. As a future yoga instructor these are two words that I need to work.
I have completed two bachelor’s degrees, and a Master of Teaching, but I can’t return to my previous teaching role, it takes to much brain power. However, I continue to work as a diverse learning tutor on a casual basis at a secondary college.
This experience has bought some revelations with it. My kids have blown me away with who they are growing up to be and I embrace my stubborn nature, it is helping me to get where I want to be.
On race day, I will be with my daughter, relishing life and remembering our loss. It will be a humbling experience.
To, Tayah and Hunter, I am still me even though some things I do and say may not always reflect this! Stay with me in my journey of recovering – Thank you for your patience, concern, understanding and unconditional love!
To Christian: I dedicate my participation in the Gold Coast Half Marathon to you dear son, in memory of your sought-after enthusiasm, courage, independence, fun-loving nature, high energy, and passion for running. Forever Young, Always in Our Hearts!
