What is grief By Jude Czerenkowski
May 28, 2014
Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. Grief allows us to gradually adjust to our loss and find a way of going on with life without the person, life or identity lost. While grief is very normal, it is always difficult.
We may feel shock, confusion, sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness or we may just feel numb. We may also have a sense of relief and a feeling of acceptance.
We may be preoccupied with the person who has died, dreaming about them or having a sense of their presence. We might also try to not to think about them, avoiding things that remind us about them. It’s common to think we’ll never get over the loss.
We may experience changes to sleep patterns and appetite as well as tiredness, nausea or pain (it’s important to see your doctor if these symptoms persist).
We may have no energy at all or feel like we need to do everything at once. We can find ourselves wanting to withdraw from normal life.
How do we grieve?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some of us express our grief through crying and talking. Some of us express our grief in private and do not show it in public.
We also may behave differently at different times. Members of the same family can grieve differently so we need to try to respect each other’s way of grieving.
The difficulty of grieving is often compounded by how frightening and confronting some people find our grief. We can also find comfort in the kindness and understanding shown by those who are able to simply be with us in our grief.
Some suggestions
Everyone has their own way of coping with grief. The key for most people is in connecting with others – asking for help, support and understanding and taking opportunities to talk. It’s common to worry about burdening others with our problems but it’s important to remember most people want to help. Sometimes they might just need a bit of advice from us on how.
Find someone you feel comfortable talking to. Don’t let one unhelpful reaction put you off – there is usually someone who you can talk to about the person who has died and about how you feel. If that’s not the case, a counsellor can fill that space.
Give yourself time and be patient with yourself. Don’t expect too much too soon.
Allow people to help you – you will be able to help someone else at another time.
While it’s important not to isolate yourself from friends and family, you will at times want to be on your own and that’s part of it too.
Take care of yourself by eating well and exercising and doing things you enjoy, even if you don’t feel like it.
Create a memorial to honour the person who has died, spend time looking at photos and visiting special places.
Plan ahead for significant anniversaries and birthdays, thinking of things that will help you get through the day.
Try not to make big life decisions too soon.
Understand that experiencing happiness is not being disloyal to the person who has died.
Information, counselling and support
Don’t be afraid to seek help. Bereavement counselling is available and can be very helpful. Bereavement counselling allows you to explore your feelings and adjust to life after the loss of your loved one. It can be a great comfort and support during a difficult time.
Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement
Information and referral to counselling services. Their website is a great source of information and stories.
Call 1300 664 786 or visit www.grief.org.au
Griefline
Telephone counselling from 12noon to 3am daily.
Call 9935 7400 or visit www.griefline.org.au
24 hour services
Lifeline
24 hour telephone crisis support service.
Call 131 114 or visit www.lifeline.org.au
The Compassionate Friends
Support to bereaved parents and siblings.
Call 1800 641 091 or visit www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au
MensLine
Telephone and online support, information and referral service, helping men to deal with relationship problems in a practical and effective way.
Call 1300 789 978 or visit www.mensline.org.au
Kids Help Line
Telephone and online counselling service for young people aged between 5 and 25.
Call 1800 551 800 or visit www.kidshelp.com.au
We may feel shock, confusion, sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness or we may just feel numb. We may also have a sense of relief and a feeling of acceptance.
We may be preoccupied with the person who has died, dreaming about them or having a sense of their presence. We might also try to not to think about them, avoiding things that remind us about them. It’s common to think we’ll never get over the loss.
We may experience changes to sleep patterns and appetite as well as tiredness, nausea or pain (it’s important to see your doctor if these symptoms persist).
We may have no energy at all or feel like we need to do everything at once. We can find ourselves wanting to withdraw from normal life.
How do we grieve?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some of us express our grief through crying and talking. Some of us express our grief in private and do not show it in public.
We also may behave differently at different times. Members of the same family can grieve differently so we need to try to respect each other’s way of grieving.
The difficulty of grieving is often compounded by how frightening and confronting some people find our grief. We can also find comfort in the kindness and understanding shown by those who are able to simply be with us in our grief.
Some suggestions
Everyone has their own way of coping with grief. The key for most people is in connecting with others – asking for help, support and understanding and taking opportunities to talk. It’s common to worry about burdening others with our problems but it’s important to remember most people want to help. Sometimes they might just need a bit of advice from us on how.
Find someone you feel comfortable talking to. Don’t let one unhelpful reaction put you off – there is usually someone who you can talk to about the person who has died and about how you feel. If that’s not the case, a counsellor can fill that space.
Give yourself time and be patient with yourself. Don’t expect too much too soon.
Allow people to help you – you will be able to help someone else at another time.
While it’s important not to isolate yourself from friends and family, you will at times want to be on your own and that’s part of it too.
Take care of yourself by eating well and exercising and doing things you enjoy, even if you don’t feel like it.
Create a memorial to honour the person who has died, spend time looking at photos and visiting special places.
Plan ahead for significant anniversaries and birthdays, thinking of things that will help you get through the day.
Try not to make big life decisions too soon.
Understand that experiencing happiness is not being disloyal to the person who has died.
Information, counselling and support
Don’t be afraid to seek help. Bereavement counselling is available and can be very helpful. Bereavement counselling allows you to explore your feelings and adjust to life after the loss of your loved one. It can be a great comfort and support during a difficult time.
Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement
Information and referral to counselling services. Their website is a great source of information and stories.
Call 1300 664 786 or visit www.grief.org.au
Griefline
Telephone counselling from 12noon to 3am daily.
Call 9935 7400 or visit www.griefline.org.au
24 hour services
Lifeline
24 hour telephone crisis support service.
Call 131 114 or visit www.lifeline.org.au
The Compassionate Friends
Support to bereaved parents and siblings.
Call 1800 641 091 or visit www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au
MensLine
Telephone and online support, information and referral service, helping men to deal with relationship problems in a practical and effective way.
Call 1300 789 978 or visit www.mensline.org.au
Kids Help Line
Telephone and online counselling service for young people aged between 5 and 25.
Call 1800 551 800 or visit www.kidshelp.com.au