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The TakeAway: Talking about friendships after stroke with James Kirkwood

April 28, 2026

At just 20, James was fit and active when his life changed. During surgery to treat an arteriovenous malformation (AVM), he had a stroke that led to serious complications.

He spent a year in hospital, much of it with little memory due to his condition and COVID-19 restrictions. When he came home, he was using a wheelchair and relearning how to speak.

Since then, James has approached recovery with determination. He now sees his experience as one of growth and is working towards becoming a disability advocate, using his story to help others.

Hailey: After your stroke, what surprised you most about how your friends reacted? (0:14 sec)  

James: “I think a few of them would treated me better than what I expected, but a lot didn't really know how to process things or thinking that I'm just some frail little sunflower, in a way. Once they start to know me a bit more, they got more comfortable. So, they're not gonna that I need to walk on eggshells around me. I'm still just as strong as what I was.” 

Hailey: You've said some friends felt like they were walking on eggshells around you. What did that feel like for you? (0:52 sec) 

James: “It's a little bit demeaning, you know. It makes me feel like I'm less than what I believe I am. You know, I'm powerful. I'm not a little like I said, a little sunflower.” 

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Hailey: You talk about the importance of being flexible and valuing small moments. What does that look like in a friendship? (1:26 sec) 

Jame: “Being flexible, you know, you need to understand that some people aren't as comfortable arranged with what they used to be, but valuing the small moments, a huge one for me is when people go out of their way to talk to me and I don't need to initiate the conversation. I mean, that's something I feel I have endured throughout my entire life, that people are so difficult to contact.  

So when they go out of their way to initiate the conversation or catch-up sort of thing, I just...I love that so much. It makes me feel wanted instead of a burden.” 

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Hailey: You said life is more than just recovery and rehab. Can you expand on that? (1:50 sec) 

James: “Yeah, well, I think everyone life is friendships, family, a career, a future study, all that sort of thing. It's more than just more. For people like me, it's more than just recovery. I've got more I recover to live my life, which in my head, looks like being a public speaker and continuing my advocacy.” 

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Hailey: What would you say to someone who is feeling lonely or disconnected from their friends after a stroke? (2:23 sec) 
 
James: “My like I just previously mentioned, some people may feel like they've got to walk on eggshells around me, but I think part of getting over that is going out of your way to actually reach out to your friends, even if you're a bit uncomfortable with that, it's the only way that you know they're going to become accustomed to the new you would have pushed yourself to doing something like that. I mentioned my regard was very difficult, because my entire life, I felt like I'm a burden if I'm trying to hassle people, but recently, it's only very recently that I've learned this lesson, and it's improved my life tenfold. Instead of waiting for people to come to me, I've began actually reaching out and overcoming that fear, and because of that, I've been seeing people way more just in the new year.” 
 
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Hailey: How has connecting with other survivors affected your friendships, or how you look at friendships? (3:25 sec)

Well, coming straight up is striking and into my new life like I was saying, it's hard for a lot of people to adjust to me in my new situation. So, coming up to Heads Together for brain injury by Kate Hine, and while I was running, doing the heading out program with them, was a great opportunity to meet other stroke survivors. And so, it's just reaffirming to meet people that understand you a little bit more, and you can actually have something to connect with through that.”

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Diana : So, would your advice be for people to join groups? (4:09 sec) 

James: “Then, yeah, totally find a support group for people that understand to show you that you aren't alone in this situation, as much as they might feel like it saying groups like heads together, what else...yeah, Genyus, that's a good one. Yeah, join groups like that. That's a good resource for your mental health.” 

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Hailey: You said friendships don't have to be big or dramatic to matter. What does a meaningful connection look like to you? (4:40 sec) 

James: “Well, I think in anybody's situation, any sort of connection is important, especially people like myself and other people with TBI is connecting with anyone that will understand is huge. Like I was saying earlier, something as little as kind of reaching out into your eyes. What you doing is massive.”  

Hailey: What is your favorite song or band?  

James “This is the easiest question by far; It’s the Collingwood Football clubs theme song.” 
 
add in video – theme song 
 

Call StrokeLine (1800 787 653) Free advice about stroke from health professionals. We can answer your questions and connect you with services. 

More in the TakeAway series: 

The TakeAway: talking about mental health and anxiety with Hailey McKirdy 

The TakeAway: talking about fatigue with Toni Arfaras 

The TakeAway: talking about mental health after stroke with Clive Kempson 

The TakeAway: talking about how equine-assisted social workers can help in stroke recovery with Barbara Wolfenden 

The TakeAway: talking about movement and exercise with Emma Gee 

The TakeAway: talking about goal setting with Tommy Quick 

The TakeAway: Shannon shares her experience with aphasia and apraxia 

The TakeAway: Joel talks about mindset and exercise after stroke 

The TakeAway: Brooke shares her experience with accessible travel